Teenage Mums rant

Ok firstly, I really dont want to offend anyone where who may be a young mum or a child of a young mum. I was a teen mum myself having my first daughter at 17. She was a "happy accident" and I wouldnt change it for the world, but it was bloody hard and I admit I did rely on the benefits system for the first few years of her life.

But what really gets me is the young girls planning to have babies at such a young age, still living at home with no financial backing of their own, and just buying into the fantasy of having a real life baby-doll.

This rant is kicked off because I moderate on a very large pregnancy forum and have just had to close yet another post from a 16 year old girl saying "I want to get pregnant but i'm scared of what my mum would say". It drives me absolutely barmy! How can someone so young have any idea of what being a parent in a loving, solid relationship means? They see it on the TV, they see their friends doing it, they get with a boy for a few months and think how lovely and fun it would be. But they have no idea of the reality. Ok, no-one is ever fully prepared for a baby as any parent here knows, but I think if you are going to plan for a baby you need to atleast have one of you in a job that earns enough to meet the costs of a baby!

I dont know the full details of the benefits/welfare system in other countries, but here in the UK it is a joke. There are many people who claim benefits because they genuinly need that support, and thats what it should be for, but it really is taken advantage of here. It is possible to raise a family without ever having to work, and it happens all the time. The children of these families are now adults themselves and have had no work ethics instilled in them, no sense of responsibility. They have children themselves and the cycle continues.

I must sound very right wing but I pormise you I am not....I just cant stand to see these young girls actually planning to have a baby while they still live at home with their parents who will ultimately end up being the on-tap babysitter and financial provider. Its very unfair.

If a young girl accidently gets pregnant and makes an informed decision to keep the baby, then fair enough. She should have been more careful but I know from experience accidents happen. I know many young mums who were in that very situation and have gone on to be amazing parents and worked hard to support their children. But why plan it so young????

Rant over. I feel better now.

I agree on your state-funded support of young mothers perhaps being a cause for them viewing the option as an 'easy way out'. Of course, it has to exist to support those that may find themselves as a single-parent, bringing up a child through no design or plan. There's no easy answer - but perhaps some view it as an easy answer.

Why work? You can have a couple of kids and stay at home!

Obviously, the reality of that life isn't quite as cushy as it may seem, but what's perhaps most disheartening is the lack of ambition and such uninspiring dreams for young girls. 16 years old and all you want to be is a stay-at-home mum? There's a whole world out there and that's what you want the most when you've got so much life to play out!?

Yes AC that lack of ambition is very dis-heartening. I feel very lucky that both my daughters (16 and 13 this year) have ambition. My eldest wants to work in social care and has her whole life planned out - career goals until she is about 30 then she will think about a family. Of course that could change when she falls in love but I know she is sensible and intelligent enough to wait before planning babies. And I dont want to be a Granny before the age of 40

I have worked solidly for the last 14 years, and now that I have a solid and stable relationship (I split from my daughters dad 10 years ago) and we are financially comfortable, we are planning a child together. I have to have IVF in about 18 months due to now being infertile, but when we do have a baby (or babies if IVF lol). I would love to be a SAHM once that happens, but unless my other half gets a job that matches our joint income that isnt going to happen and I accept that. We factored that in when deciding to have a baby.

Which is why I find it so hard to fathom how a young girl could want only that, as you say. There is so much to learn and experience in life!

Just imagine the state of this country(Australia) where over the last four years or so an ongoing policy of paying all new mums (it began at about $3000) but is now 4 to $5000 dollars bonus(it increases every year), for simply bringing a child into the world!
I also was a young mother,but I think it's abhorrent to plan a baby for financial gain. Especially when in reality that money will not begin to provide for a child anyway.
I fear for the future of these babies.

Hi WTF

you beat me to it

Here is the Age report

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23371963-2702,00.html

Stitch

OMG they pay you that much for having a baby there? Is it supposed to be an incentive to have children or a means of help? Thats got so many negative connotations its not funny. WTF, I share your fear.

Yes the baby bonus is designed to get Australians to start having babies. We actually have had a negative population growth rate. So the government decided to start giving cash to people if they were to have a baby or ideally many babies.

Our population relies on immigration to keep the numbers up. As deaths exceed births in our country.

Stitch

I did not know that. I've never heard of a country that had a higher death-rate than birth-rate.

Well, until today.

I didnt know that either....thats very interesting!

I would love to live in Oz, my mum spent a lot of her childhood between Sydney and Port Moresby in New Guinea, and my uncle has just emigrated to NZ....they wanted OZ but it was easier to get into NZ.

Perhaps if Oz were a little more relaxed with the points system they would have more new blood so to speak.....though not too much more relaxed, just enough to let me in lol

Well let me be the first to extend a warm welcome if you do decide to come downunder. So much to do and see down here, I live 5 minutes walk from the docklands, very nice and I have a view of the bay and the city that is just so nice. So come on down and visit!

Stitch

Get the beers chilled then mate we'll be over in a jiffy

We are sick of this country and are currently looking into a move to Dubai, but Austrailia has always been top of my list of another country to move to.....we just dont make the grade on the scoring system due to lack of savings and assets, and our skills

SunburnedPenguin wrote:But what really gets me is the young girls planning to have babies at such a young age, still living at home with no financial backing of their own, and just buying into the fantasy of having a real life baby-doll.

Jax, there's not that many teenagers with an operative brain installed. I know, I was one of them .

Seriously, what do we know about life at 16? Back then, I was pretty tired of "grown-ups" telling me what life is like, and what should or shouldn't I do with mine. Now I'm glad they did.

SunburnedPenguin wrote:Ok, no-one is ever fully prepared for a baby

Amen to that, sistah.

SunburnedPenguin wrote:[Here] It is possible to raise a family without ever having to work, and it happens all the time.

Holy Cow! Over here, sometimes it's hard to raise a family even with two working parents!

SunburnedPenguin wrote:I must sound very right wing but I promise you I am not...

Right-wing? Not really. You sound like a mother, and that's what you are. It's pretty clear you're thinking of the babies here, and let's be thankful at least someone does!

AngeloComet wrote:I've never heard of a country that had a higher death-rate than birth-rate.

Well, take a look at ==>this. As you may see, by 2006 most of Europe had a negative population growth. If this tendency is reversing it's only because of the immigration rate, and because of the immigrant's children birth rate once they are over here, in "our" Europe...

here in mexico we dont have that child wellfare, i cant imagine what will happen if we do, a lot of young ladies would get pregnant for that wellfare just to live of the goverments brest.

if a young lady gets knock out the only supoport they got is their parents or the dads baby in many cases the dad runs away.

so here you have to earn to support youre baby of course they are goverment intitutions that offers you help like child care center ¨free¨ hospital.

I cannot imagine having a child as a teenager. I could not take care of myself until 25. I thought I knew everything.

I was 33 when I had my first daughter. It was then that I realized how little I knew. Raising two children was (and still is) by far the hardest thing I ever have done. I work so hard to give them a better life. How difficult it must be for a teenager mom to give when she has nothing.

SP, the attitude you so horrifically describe is here in the States too. Welfare rewards each birth with an increased stipend. There is a term in the ghetto known as "Macho-ing". Teenage boys have a contest to see how many girls they can impregnate at the same time. It's a badge of honor but without any financial support on their part.