BAD JOKES!

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

Go down

BAD JOKES!

Post by SmokinMonster on Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:32 am

Two eggs are in a saucepan.

First egg says 'Its absolutely boiling in here!'

Second egg says 'Thats nothing, I heard when they take us out they smash our heads in with a giant spoon!'


Two men are in a bar. One of them has a dog which is busy cleaning itself.

The other guy says 'That must be amazing! I wish I could do that.'

The dogs owner says 'Give him a biscuit and he might let you.'
avatar
SmokinMonster
Lostie

Number of posts : 61
Age : 46
Location : Glasgow, Scotland
Humor : Lavatorial
Registration date : 2008-05-19

Character sheet
Name:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by vincentthedog on Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:35 am

Good title. lol!
avatar
vincentthedog
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 963
Age : 43
Location : Mass,USA
Humor : God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire
Registration date : 2008-05-15

Character sheet
Name: Vlad Táltos

View user profile http://www.myspace.com/artmassage

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by spirit_of_jazz on Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:36 am

q: what's brown & sticky?
a: a stick

q: what's blue & white & flies through the jungle?
a: a fridge in a denim jacket

bad jokes are fun. Very Happy
avatar
spirit_of_jazz
Tailie

Number of posts : 26
Age : 35
Location : Melbourne, Australia
Humor : "i cannot brain today, i have the dumb"
Registration date : 2008-05-20

Character sheet
Name:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by Hope on Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:26 am

Anyone know where Engagement Ohio is?

Inbetween Dayton and Marion!!




Two guys walk into a bar, the third ducked!!
avatar
Hope
Others

Number of posts : 189
Age : 36
Location : Columbus, Ohio
Humor : Don't play leap frog with a unicorn
Registration date : 2008-05-13

Character sheet
Name: Illiana Vess

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by StitchExp626 on Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:23 am

Sheila didn't come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been up to no good so rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.

Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila asks him where the hell he'd been. Bruce says he got a bit drunk at a mate's place and thought it was safer not to drive and crash out there. Sheila thinks he's been up to no good so rings his ten best mates. Eight of them say he spent the night at their place and two claim he's still there in the shower.


Last edited by StitchExp626 on Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:36 am; edited 1 time in total
avatar
StitchExp626
Moderator

Number of posts : 790
Age : 42
Location : Melbourne Australia
Registration date : 2008-05-14

Character sheet
Name: Steve

View user profile http://lost-stitchexp626.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by JacksEyes on Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:29 am

What's this ?

A dead one of these!! Ha Ha...

(I know you can't see the hand movements but you'll just have to trust me that it's funny).
avatar
JacksEyes
Tailie

Number of posts : 23
Age : 60
Location : Wigan, UK
Humor : Aqueous
Registration date : 2008-06-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by AngeloComet on Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:42 am

Q: What's yellow and smells of bananas?




A: Monkey vomit.
avatar
AngeloComet
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 626
Age : 39
Location : Manchester, United Kingdom
Humor : Dry and witty. Like my women.
Registration date : 2008-05-13

Character sheet
Name: Jack

View user profile http://www.angelocomets-lost-place.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by StitchExp626 on Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:41 am

What's the difference between tequilla and a sawn off shotgun?








If you dont know then I am never asking you for a shot of tequilla
avatar
StitchExp626
Moderator

Number of posts : 790
Age : 42
Location : Melbourne Australia
Registration date : 2008-05-14

Character sheet
Name: Steve

View user profile http://lost-stitchexp626.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by SunburnedPenguin on Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:37 pm

haha I love bad jokes, they make me laugh more than good ones Very Happy

Q. What goes "oooooooo.....ooooooooooooooooooooo"










A. A cow with no lips

_________________
AUGUST HALL OF FAME NOMINATIONS OPEN! PLEASE PM ME YOUR FAVOURITE THEORY OF AUGUST!!!!!!!!

Losties is moving!!!! Read the Blog by clicking the new link at the top of the page!

You may have noticed a new arcade section.....pm me suggestions for games you would like to see added!

Losties RPG area now open! Check it out HERE
avatar
SunburnedPenguin
Admin

Number of posts : 1411
Age : 43
Location : Near Cardiff
Humor : You'll get used to it :)
Registration date : 2008-04-14

Character sheet
Name: Kudos Manilla

View user profile http://www.losties.darkbb.com

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by Lateralus on Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:44 pm

A guy goes to his best friend.
"Dude, How do you do it? How do you go home with all these hot chicks every night, and I get stuck home alone?"
Freind says, "Ok... I'll tell ya my secret... Next time you go out, put on your tightest pants, and stick a sock in 'em. Chicks'll follow you home like a starving kitten."

Next week the guy sees his friend again, "Dude!! What the Hell!!! I did exactly as you said, and now girls just run away from me before I can say one word to them!!!"

Friend says,
"Your supposed to put the sock in the front of your pants you idiot!"
avatar
Lateralus
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 526
Age : 39
Location : Little Rock, AR
Humor : "I hate you Milkman Dan"
Registration date : 2008-05-16

Character sheet
Name: Lateralus Finn

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by StitchExp626 on Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:11 pm

How many Australians does it take to change a lightbulb?










Only one because Aussies will screw anything!
avatar
StitchExp626
Moderator

Number of posts : 790
Age : 42
Location : Melbourne Australia
Registration date : 2008-05-14

Character sheet
Name: Steve

View user profile http://lost-stitchexp626.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by TheHolyStickman on Wed Jun 25, 2008 7:29 pm

How many Leeds fans does it take to change a lightbulb.

Both of them.
avatar
TheHolyStickman
The Chosen Ones

Number of posts : 1115
Age : 22
Location : Norfolk England
Humor : Witty
Registration date : 2008-05-18

Character sheet
Name: Roger Gilmour

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by JacksEyes on Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:22 am

How many Star Trek fans does it take to change a light bulb ?





2!

One to change the bulb and another to say "Well it's alright, but its nowhere near as good as the original".
avatar
JacksEyes
Tailie

Number of posts : 23
Age : 60
Location : Wigan, UK
Humor : Aqueous
Registration date : 2008-06-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by MollyCocktail on Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:38 pm

A man walks into a bar....

OUCH!
avatar
MollyCocktail
Others

Number of posts : 325
Age : 41
Location : Orchid Station, The Island
Humor : Insane
Registration date : 2008-05-13

Character sheet
Name: Jacob

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by MollyCocktail on Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:39 pm

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
The bartender says,"what's the wheel for?"
THe pirate replies, "YARRRRRRRRRRRRRR it drives me nuts!!"
avatar
MollyCocktail
Others

Number of posts : 325
Age : 41
Location : Orchid Station, The Island
Humor : Insane
Registration date : 2008-05-13

Character sheet
Name: Jacob

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by SomeArztOnYou on Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:20 pm

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
avatar
SomeArztOnYou
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 800
Age : 36
Location : Pennsylvania, USA
Humor : Dry
Registration date : 2008-05-16

Character sheet
Name: Otto Hanren

View user profile http://www.myspace.com/lawnmeister

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by SomeArztOnYou on Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:28 pm

A piece of string walks into a bar, walks up to the barkeep, and orders a beer.

"Sorry, buddy, we don't serve your kind here," says the barkeep, pointing him back out the door.

The piece of string waits a couple days, then enters the same bar, walks up to the barkeep, and again orders a beer.

"Come on, do you think I'm stupid? I told you we don't serve your kind here," he tells the piece of string.

Frustrated, but determined, the piece of string attempts to disguise himself. The very next day, he unravels his one end a bit and ties himself in the middle. He proceeds to go into the same bar again, walks up to the barkeep, and orders yet another beer.

"Hey, aren't you the same piece of string I told to get out of here the past couple days?!?" shouts the barkeep.

The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
avatar
SomeArztOnYou
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 800
Age : 36
Location : Pennsylvania, USA
Humor : Dry
Registration date : 2008-05-16

Character sheet
Name: Otto Hanren

View user profile http://www.myspace.com/lawnmeister

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by SomeArztOnYou on Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:10 pm

Frank Sam and Sam Frank were always the best of friends. One day though, they both die and enter the afterlife. Frank Sam finds himself in Heaven, and looks all over for Sam Frank, but he's nowhere to be found.

Frank Sam walks up to God and says, "Hi, God, sorry to bother you, but I've been looking all over for my friend Sam Frank, and I just can't seem to find him anywhere."

"Well, Frank Sam," says God, "I'm sorry to break this to you, but Sam Frank didn't get to come to Heaven. He's actually been sent to Hell."

"Oh, man, that's awful. Well, can you at least let me know if he's doing okay, Mr. God?"

"Sure," he says as he switches on the closed-circuit TV monitoring Hell's activities. "See, Sam Frank is actually getting on quite well with everyone. He's making lots of friends - and he's actually running a disco down there."

"Oh, wow, they've got discos in Hell?"

"Well, where did you think disco came from in the first place?"

"Fair enough. I guess there's no way I could see him again, though, right?"

"I usually don't allow it," says God, "but I know you two were very close friends, so perhaps I could make an exception. I'll let you go visit for the weekend. There is only one thing I ask though: you must bring your harp along with you."

"Um, my harp? Okay, that's no problem."

"And be careful with it," warns God.

"I promise," says Frank Sam.

Frank Sam gets a few bags packed and grabs his harp. God wishes him a good time, and Frank Sam is on his way down to Hell. When he gets there, he is immediately greeted by Sam Frank.

"Hey, buddy!" exclaims Sam Frank. "Satan told me God was letting you come visit me. This is great news! We're going to have a blast this weekend - just like old times!"

And they proceed to have a fun-filled few days, dancing, laughing, and drinking. Sam Frank introduces Frank Sam to some of his new friends at the disco, and they all hit it off swimmingly. Of course, the time goes by too quickly, though. Sunday afternoon, Frank Sam tells Sam Frank he has to go back to Heaven.

"Well, I'm just glad we got to have some fun together one last time, buddy!" says Sam Frank.

"Yeah, me too," says Frank Sam. "I'm glad you've got so many friends here, too. Best of luck, and I'll miss you, my friend."

So, Frank Sam reluctantly heads back up to Heaven. God is there to greet him.

"So, Frank Sam," asks God, "did you have a good time?"

"Oh, yes, God," says Frank Sam, "thank you for letting me see him again. We had a blast, and he seems like he's doing all right down there."

"Well, I'm very glad I was able to get you two friends back together again. One question, though..."

"What's that?"

"Well, Frank Sam, exactly where is that harp of yours?"

A look of shock and realization comes over Frank Sam's face. "Oh no! I left my harp in Sam Frank's disco!"
avatar
SomeArztOnYou
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 800
Age : 36
Location : Pennsylvania, USA
Humor : Dry
Registration date : 2008-05-16

Character sheet
Name: Otto Hanren

View user profile http://www.myspace.com/lawnmeister

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by MyStarbuckHatesLost on Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:18 pm

Worst joke ever...but it make me laugh every time.

What's Irish and hangs out on your porch all night?












Patti O'Furniture
avatar
MyStarbuckHatesLost
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 681
Age : 55
Location : Winston Salem, North Carolina U.S.A.
Humor : check out TheFlatSpin.com and you'll be sorry you asked that.
Registration date : 2008-05-14

View user profile http://www.theflatspin.com

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by StitchExp626 on Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:22 pm

SAOY

I heard that joke before but it was between a sand crab and a mud crab!

Go figure!

Stitch
avatar
StitchExp626
Moderator

Number of posts : 790
Age : 42
Location : Melbourne Australia
Registration date : 2008-05-14

Character sheet
Name: Steve

View user profile http://lost-stitchexp626.blogspot.com/

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by MyStarbuckHatesLost on Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:31 pm

Not a bad joke but my favorite joke of all time.

A young man is sitting on a park bench talking to a 90 year old man.

The 90 year old says softly, his voice creaking, "Back when I was your age young man, I went on safari in Africa hunting a man-eating lion."

"We were going through 8 foot tall grass when suddenly this 900 pound man-eating lion jumps out at us and goes ROAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!"
The old man jumps up, his arms outstretched and his fingers in the shape of claws to illustrate his story and then continues,
"Well I can tell you young man, I shit myself bigtime"

The young man thinks for a moment and says, "Well yeah. I guess if a lion jumped out at me and roared like that, I'd shit myself too."


"No, no, not then," said the old man, "just now, when I went ROAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!, I shit myself."
avatar
MyStarbuckHatesLost
On Jacobs List

Number of posts : 681
Age : 55
Location : Winston Salem, North Carolina U.S.A.
Humor : check out TheFlatSpin.com and you'll be sorry you asked that.
Registration date : 2008-05-14

View user profile http://www.theflatspin.com

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by tracker on Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:19 pm

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he’d like. He says “a rum and coke, and I’ll buy the douchebag at the end of the bar whatever she wants”. The bartender is of course shocked and says “Sir, she seems like a very nice lady to me, and I’ll thank you not to refer to any of my customers like that.” The man says “OK, I’ll buy the lady at the end of the bar whatever she wants.” The bartender goes to the end of the bar and says “Ma’am, the gentleman over there would like to buy you a drink. May I get you something?” She says “Oh, that’s very nice. I’ll have a vinegar and water, please.”
avatar
tracker
Others

Number of posts : 237
Age : 60
Location : Charleston, SC
Humor : Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns.......Archie Bunker
Registration date : 2008-05-14

Character sheet
Name:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by TheHolyStickman on Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:21 pm

Tracker! Yay! Havent seen you in ages. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy You've missed a lot.

Or have I just imagined that he hasnt been here?
avatar
TheHolyStickman
The Chosen Ones

Number of posts : 1115
Age : 22
Location : Norfolk England
Humor : Witty
Registration date : 2008-05-18

Character sheet
Name: Roger Gilmour

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by tracker on Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:29 pm

THS... hi I've been a little busy but I do check in once in a awhile.

I like your Pink Floyd signature. I saw them at Radio City Music Hall, NYC in 1974. It was when "Money" was the big hit. It was a midnight concert. My memory of it is a little fuzzy and out of focus (old John Belushi line)

Most of the 70's is a little fuzzy.
avatar
tracker
Others

Number of posts : 237
Age : 60
Location : Charleston, SC
Humor : Hell hath no fury like a woman's corns.......Archie Bunker
Registration date : 2008-05-14

Character sheet
Name:

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by TheHolyStickman on Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:33 pm

Yeah I change it daily if I can. Got any suggestions for tommorrows, doesn't have to be Pink Floyd.
avatar
TheHolyStickman
The Chosen Ones

Number of posts : 1115
Age : 22
Location : Norfolk England
Humor : Witty
Registration date : 2008-05-18

Character sheet
Name: Roger Gilmour

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: BAD JOKES!

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum