Teenage Mums rant

Ok firstly, I really dont want to offend anyone where who may be a young mum or a child of a young mum. I was a teen mum myself having my first daughter at 17. She was a "happy accident" and I wouldnt change it for the world, but it was bloody hard and I admit I did rely on the benefits system for the first few years of her life.

But what really gets me is the young girls planning to have babies at such a young age, still living at home with no financial backing of their own, and just buying into the fantasy of having a real life baby-doll.

This rant is kicked off because I moderate on a very large pregnancy forum and have just had to close yet another post from a 16 year old girl saying "I want to get pregnant but i'm scared of what my mum would say". It drives me absolutely barmy! How can someone so young have any idea of what being a parent in a loving, solid relationship means? They see it on the TV, they see their friends doing it, they get with a boy for a few months and think how lovely and fun it would be. But they have no idea of the reality. Ok, no-one is ever fully prepared for a baby as any parent here knows, but I think if you are going to plan for a baby you need to atleast have one of you in a job that earns enough to meet the costs of a baby!

I dont know the full details of the benefits/welfare system in other countries, but here in the UK it is a joke. There are many people who claim benefits because they genuinly need that support, and thats what it should be for, but it really is taken advantage of here. It is possible to raise a family without ever having to work, and it happens all the time. The children of these families are now adults themselves and have had no work ethics instilled in them, no sense of responsibility. They have children themselves and the cycle continues.

I must sound very right wing but I pormise you I am not....I just cant stand to see these young girls actually planning to have a baby while they still live at home with their parents who will ultimately end up being the on-tap babysitter and financial provider. Its very unfair.

If a young girl accidently gets pregnant and makes an informed decision to keep the baby, then fair enough. She should have been more careful but I know from experience accidents happen. I know many young mums who were in that very situation and have gone on to be amazing parents and worked hard to support their children. But why plan it so young????

Rant over. I feel better now.

I agree on your state-funded support of young mothers perhaps being a cause for them viewing the option as an 'easy way out'. Of course, it has to exist to support those that may find themselves as a single-parent, bringing up a child through no design or plan. There's no easy answer - but perhaps some view it as an easy answer.

Why work? You can have a couple of kids and stay at home!

Obviously, the reality of that life isn't quite as cushy as it may seem, but what's perhaps most disheartening is the lack of ambition and such uninspiring dreams for young girls. 16 years old and all you want to be is a stay-at-home mum? There's a whole world out there and that's what you want the most when you've got so much life to play out!?

Yes AC that lack of ambition is very dis-heartening. I feel very lucky that both my daughters (16 and 13 this year) have ambition. My eldest wants to work in social care and has her whole life planned out - career goals until she is about 30 then she will think about a family. Of course that could change when she falls in love but I know she is sensible and intelligent enough to wait before planning babies. And I dont want to be a Granny before the age of 40

I have worked solidly for the last 14 years, and now that I have a solid and stable relationship (I split from my daughters dad 10 years ago) and we are financially comfortable, we are planning a child together. I have to have IVF in about 18 months due to now being infertile, but when we do have a baby (or babies if IVF lol). I would love to be a SAHM once that happens, but unless my other half gets a job that matches our joint income that isnt going to happen and I accept that. We factored that in when deciding to have a baby.

Which is why I find it so hard to fathom how a young girl could want only that, as you say. There is so much to learn and experience in life!

Just imagine the state of this country(Australia) where over the last four years or so an ongoing policy of paying all new mums (it began at about $3000) but is now 4 to $5000 dollars bonus(it increases every year), for simply bringing a child into the world!
I also was a young mother,but I think it's abhorrent to plan a baby for financial gain. Especially when in reality that money will not begin to provide for a child anyway.
I fear for the future of these babies.

Hi WTF

you beat me to it

Here is the Age report

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23371963-2702,00.html

Stitch

OMG they pay you that much for having a baby there? Is it supposed to be an incentive to have children or a means of help? Thats got so many negative connotations its not funny. WTF, I share your fear.

Yes the baby bonus is designed to get Australians to start having babies. We actually have had a negative population growth rate. So the government decided to start giving cash to people if they were to have a baby or ideally many babies.

Our population relies on immigration to keep the numbers up. As deaths exceed births in our country.

Stitch

I did not know that. I've never heard of a country that had a higher death-rate than birth-rate.

Well, until today.

I didnt know that either....thats very interesting!

I would love to live in Oz, my mum spent a lot of her childhood between Sydney and Port Moresby in New Guinea, and my uncle has just emigrated to NZ....they wanted OZ but it was easier to get into NZ.

Perhaps if Oz were a little more relaxed with the points system they would have more new blood so to speak.....though not too much more relaxed, just enough to let me in lol

Well let me be the first to extend a warm welcome if you do decide to come downunder. So much to do and see down here, I live 5 minutes walk from the docklands, very nice and I have a view of the bay and the city that is just so nice. So come on down and visit!

Stitch

Get the beers chilled then mate we'll be over in a jiffy

We are sick of this country and are currently looking into a move to Dubai, but Austrailia has always been top of my list of another country to move to.....we just dont make the grade on the scoring system due to lack of savings and assets, and our skills

SunburnedPenguin wrote:But what really gets me is the young girls planning to have babies at such a young age, still living at home with no financial backing of their own, and just buying into the fantasy of having a real life baby-doll.

Jax, there's not that many teenagers with an operative brain installed. I know, I was one of them .

Seriously, what do we know about life at 16? Back then, I was pretty tired of "grown-ups" telling me what life is like, and what should or shouldn't I do with mine. Now I'm glad they did.

SunburnedPenguin wrote:Ok, no-one is ever fully prepared for a baby

Amen to that, sistah.

SunburnedPenguin wrote:[Here] It is possible to raise a family without ever having to work, and it happens all the time.

Holy Cow! Over here, sometimes it's hard to raise a family even with two working parents!

SunburnedPenguin wrote:I must sound very right wing but I promise you I am not...

Right-wing? Not really. You sound like a mother, and that's what you are. It's pretty clear you're thinking of the babies here, and let's be thankful at least someone does!

AngeloComet wrote:I've never heard of a country that had a higher death-rate than birth-rate.

Well, take a look at ==>this. As you may see, by 2006 most of Europe had a negative population growth. If this tendency is reversing it's only because of the immigration rate, and because of the immigrant's children birth rate once they are over here, in "our" Europe...

here in mexico we dont have that child wellfare, i cant imagine what will happen if we do, a lot of young ladies would get pregnant for that wellfare just to live of the goverments brest.

if a young lady gets knock out the only supoport they got is their parents or the dads baby in many cases the dad runs away.

so here you have to earn to support youre baby of course they are goverment intitutions that offers you help like child care center ¨free¨ hospital.

I cannot imagine having a child as a teenager. I could not take care of myself until 25. I thought I knew everything.

I was 33 when I had my first daughter. It was then that I realized how little I knew. Raising two children was (and still is) by far the hardest thing I ever have done. I work so hard to give them a better life. How difficult it must be for a teenager mom to give when she has nothing.

SP, the attitude you so horrifically describe is here in the States too. Welfare rewards each birth with an increased stipend. There is a term in the ghetto known as "Macho-ing". Teenage boys have a contest to see how many girls they can impregnate at the same time. It's a badge of honor but without any financial support on their part.

Yeah its bad over here in the good ol' US. What really burns me up is our foster program. We will give anyone foster rights and then give them a montly stipend and then not check up on them. Then those people fostering just for the money foster like 12 kids and put them in cages and crap. ERRRR!!!

So i know that it was off topic. I had kids young. I was lucky though and I am still with their father and we are married and he works really hard so i can stay at home with them. We had twins at 19. Can you imagine?!?!?!

I've been a social worker in the US for 2 years now. I've come across moms who had their FIRST child as young as 13. They are girls who were just too anxious to grow up, over sexed or came from abusive homes. Shoot.... at 13 i was watching Saturday morning cartoons, not having sex. I've case worked some of my old friends from elementary school, i grew up in a rough neighborhood. And sometimes I think, oh wow what a completely different path they took. I'm the lucky one.

As far as public services are concerned, I agree with Sunburned in that many people need it - and it can be a great benefit and detriment to them. I know families with 4 or 5 members who only make a total of $16K a year. Food stamps, WIC, Medicaid, and housing definitely come in handy for them.

The problem is that cycle of poverty and that learned helplessness. "I cant do any better" "If i get a better job, i'll lose my housing." "if i report all my income, I cant get foodstamps." From one end, this sounds like a scam, but you have to see what people experience first hand as i have. You can be $500 over the poverty line and poof... there goes your chance of getting any assistance. Sorry but $500 can't buy you food for a month.

I guess summing it up, I know there are young moms and the like that abuse our system, but for the most part people get stuck, and there is no way out.

OH! another story.

My sister in law is 18. She ran away from home last week - because her parents don't let her go out on dates with her 15 year old boyfriend. Mind you they are very old school Mexicans - meet his family first, we all eat dinner together, when we trust him then you can go out.

Well NO she says. So she ran away to live with her 15 year old boyfirend. did i say 15? yes 15. she could technically be arrested for statatory rape for being with homeboy.

So we picked her up, talked to her for about 5 hours about what life would be like if she decided to go live with him a)silly arguments b)work work work c)inlaws d)no fun etc etc..... That girl was begging to come back home after we talked to her. haha! what a fool.

Good post puchita. A large part of my family is indiginous Australian,and the cycle of poverty in this community is also hard to comprehend from the outside looking in.
edited to add that this was post was written before the last post

I agree completely that some people find themselves in that trap, I did to begin with. When I got pregnant with my eldest daughter I was only 16, and gave birth at 17. I'd been with her father for a while and was on the pill.....but I guess I was one of the 1% that fell pregnant on the pill. As soon as I found out I was so scared, but also overwhelmed with this feeling of love for my unborn baby. We stayed together and he was a great father, we went on to have a second daughter when I was 20. But he changed and became a terrible partner.....abusive and violent towards me (but never the girls) and we split up when my youngest was just 9 months old. I was suddenly a single parent at 21 with 2 children. I relied on benefits for about another year as I was caught in that trap of wanting to work but not being able to afford childcare costs or housing costs with my lack of skills. I used that year to take advantage of the free training courses the government in the UK provide for those on benefits, and got qualifications in IT. As soon as my eldest was in school and I only had to find nursery costs for my youngest, I started working at a call centre. I was even more skint for a good few years then I had ever been on benefits as suddenly I had to find rent, council tax, and all the other things benefits had previously paid for, but I was raised in a single parent non-working family on a rough estate myself and was determined not to suffer the same fate with my children. It was a hard slog, but worth it. I am now earning good money in a specialised field and will never ever go back to relying on the state. I think, I hope, I have instilled some good work ethics in my kids and thats what it is all about.

Puchita, I am glad you managed to talk some sense into your sister-in-law, shes lucky to have you in her family

I admire your passion Sunburned. You had the initiative and the self esteem to keep going. Unfortunately not a lot of people do.

Its good that you had classes you could take also. There are programs people can get into here where plan and goals are laid out - what i am doing - but not everyone has access to social workers. Everyone gets their medicaid case worker, or their wic case worker - but they usually dont care enough about their clients to try.

oh wow... good conversation, man. i feel like we getting to know each other a little better.

Yes its good to talk about other stuff than just Lost sometimes, brings the community closer together I think

Thanks for your kind words

The free classes are available to anyone out of work for any reason (or they were all those years ago, not sure how it works now) but there are a lot of people who have this attitude of "why should I, i'm not doing what the government tell me" which in one respect is a good attitude to have.....but not when it is actually something that could help you provide for yourself and your family and lower the amount of people on benefits! Again, it comes back to those people who plan a family without any means to support themselves and just expect to live on hand-outs for the rest of their lives.

There was an episode of wife-swap a while ago and one of the families had about 12 kids, neither parent had ever worked, and they were getting in the region of 30K a year in benefits and lived in a huge, lovely house paid for by the council. It caused an outrage and they became public enemy number one for a while and the only argument they had was "we always wanted a big family so why cant we have one?".....well love, maybe you should have thought about how you can support them first???

SP,

What is "the council" and council tax? Is that the power that controls the welfare system and doles out the cash?

The local councils (one for each county [what you would call state], and then smaller ones within a county for each district) are the people responsible for all issues concerned with housing, rubbish collecting, street lighting, urban roads etc. And much more. They are controlled by the government but each council will have politicical party members, voted in locally, from all the different political parties. It works much the same as it does in the US but with different terminology

The council provide council housng for poorer families, and we pay council tax to pay for the above mentioned services.

They also pay out "housing benefit" to those who need help with rent if they are renting privately other than from the council, and those people will also get council tax benefit so they do not pay council tax. All other benefits are paid by the Department for work and pensions that is run by the government.

I think thats it anyway lol

Thanks for the explanation.